{Posts}

the picture is coming soon..xD

Singing la....la la la.......la......la la la..

-This. Is. War.-

Gossamer had heard the little filly cry back when she was down in the valley with Indy. Gossamer had left, legs moving swiftly over the now familiar ground. Her thoughts were a blur. Her outer mind barely conscious of anything else. She needed to help her herd. Gossamer remembered only vaguely her brief encounter with a horse who had no face, and nothing more. Lithe body weaving expertly between the boulders, her namesake mane and tail streaming wildly around her like a foggy white storm, the jewels entwined within-the lightening, her hooves-the thunder. She reached the main clearing and was greeted with chaos. Her wild storm mingling briefly with the fog of war before she continued onwards. Her storm changed its tune as determination entered her heart. Her hooves became a dull pound beating in tune with her pulse. Her mind gained the clarity of adrenaline as outrage filled her heart. She did not want to fight, but she would, to protect what she loved. In this particular state of mind did she reach the grass dotted dirt clearing.


-War. Are You Ready Love?-

It was open, unyielding to ambush. The place had perfect footing and only a small drop down to the main clearing on one side. All other sides were grassy and soft. There were a few boulders, but nothing too large. She gazed at the clear sky, no breeze, no heat. It was as if the world itself was holding its breath, watching the events unfold. Gossamer stopped halfway into the clearing, mane and tail floating like the fog of war below, ivory pelt tensed like rock hard bone, and eyes like the hottest blazing inferno. Her goddess-like form uttered a single word. Come... The word, though singular. Held both a challenge and a threat. Defiant. Resistant. And inexplicably cold. She would kill if need be, without a second thought. Though Gossamer was inexperienced, and knew not what the outcome of this fight would hold, she took it in stride. The call, that single, unalterable word, could go either way. And so, her tall seventeen hand form held to its full height, she waited for an answer.



[occ: Blank, mildy cold, but sunny weather, no breeze.]

[occ: 2 paragraph style, unlimited attack/dodge, NO magic, dragons, or items. We's doin' this old school "au natural", four posts each+ closing defense.]

G o s s a m e r
-rawr-

Grandpa, Grandpa. Grab your shotgun!

And so he would be her challenger today. Though not youthful, he was wise to the way a body moved. Alais arrived at the scene, airborne. Magnificent hawk wings carried him to the open clearing. Perfect for an aerial attack. He laughed. Amber visions narrowed on his target. Height-wise, she was taller than he. Though not by much. He had a chance to prove these old bones could still hold up in a fight. He hoped she didn't know her own body that well. Size can be powerful, but it can also be cumbersome. He was sleek. He was swift. She was burdened by heavier limbs. He looked around once more. The cliffs. His heart throbbed fondly. She chose this area because she was a coward. She did not want to fall to her death. Though these lands were also open. She had no advantage. He felt confident. Since he’d been to Isilme, the Cliffs had belonged to these wingless rats. Their barebacks were disgusting. They were nothing special, so why did they think they could own these lands? Morgue told him they belonged to the winged. And so, he would help reclaim them. “I am here.” He answered, circling her in the sky. He hoped this might intimidate her, hovering just beyond reach. Harass her, even. ‘Anticipate this, he chuckled in his mind. She might not suspect an aerial attack right away.

When his circle cycle positioned himself adjacently above her, he swooped down at an angle. Limbs prepared themselves to land ontop of her back and, if successful, stomp the shit out of her back before sliding to the ground. He would lean his body weight to the right, so as to control which side he landed on. Once firmly on the ground, he would stay close to her side, his chest pressed against her right set of ribs. His neck would arch and teeth would snap at her withers.

[1/4 He swooped down at her, tried landing on her back to stomp at it. He slides to her right side, stays close, and attacks her withers with his teeth]

Alias

Everybody Look What‘s Going Down

the picture is coming soon..xD

Singing la....la la la.......la......la la la..

-I Hear You Coming, But You Do Not Know-

I am ready. This is what she repeated to herself. I. am ready. She stood there, waiting, though not for long. She heard him before she saw him. Swoop, swoop, swish. Not exactly silent was he? He circled like a hawk, "I am here" were his words. He was older than her, she could tell, which meant slower reflexes. He also looked a tad shorter than her, though she couldn't be sure. Ahh, though his age meant he was wiser, he might be slower. They stayed like that for a while, sizing each other up. She waited, she couldn't exactly do anything with him hovering around up there, so she watched and waited, getting used to his movements. Suddenly, on her upper right, he swooped down from above. She hesitated only a moment, he was going to fast to slow now and if she moved quickly towards the attack, he'd miss her completely. She waited until he was just close enough before moving in one blink of an eye, to her left, towards him. It worked, his ready hooves all missed except one hind hoof which landed a firm thunk to her perfect rump. Pain and shock at a partial failure shot up momentarily, but was quickly blocked out. She turned with lightening speed to her right and reached to attempt nip his tail and catch him off-balance as he landed. Her mind raced as he turned around began to charge towards her. She saw his aim and merely stood there as he rammed into her right side and grabbed a chunk of the skin near her withers. As soon as teeth hit hide she moved whilst he was pre-occupied with her skin. His was, in fact, shorter, and this proved to her advantage. His open neck was a perfect target. Her long neck wrenched to her right as she aimed to rip into the soft part where his neck met his skull. If it hit all the way she could seriously disorient him. Her twirl painfully wrenched her hide out of his mouth, pinching as all of the hair within his mouth was forcefully taken off..as well as some skin. A little blood never killed anyone she thought.




-We's Bitchin' Nao-

Her mouth still aimed to latch onto the same spot on his head she continued to swirl her rump around like a flash of thunder and, now parallel to him, aimed to smash into his left side hind. After that she threw a sideways kick at his stifle. Hoping to knock him over. In a continued attempt to further unbalance him she left his head for HIS withers. Aiming too rip his hide if he stumbled. All this she she did in moments. Action and reaction right? For every move he made she would make two more.


[occ: 1/4- She dodged to her left, towards him, and only one hind hoof hit her back. Before he lands she tries to nip his tail to catch him off balance. When he grabs her whiters on her right she tries to grab the spot in-between his neck and skull while wrenching her skin from his mouth and continuing on around to try and hit his left hind. Her move skins off the fur on her withers and leaves a small tear in her skin.

After trying to hit him she tries to kick his left stifle to try and unbalance him. She moves her mouth to his left withers in the hopes of ripping his hide if he falls or stumbles. Sorry. so long, should have shortened it.^^ ]

G o s s a m e r
-rawr-

Grandpa, Grandpa. Grab your shotgun!

His aerial attack had failed, and for that, he was briefly disappointed. Thought her fast movement of their battle didn’t allow for him to dwell on it. Her nip at his tail was met with a side-step and a furious whip of the course hair from his tail. Whether it hit or not, he did not know, for seconds later he had her withers in his mouth. As she pulled away his teeth clenched harder, and removed hair and blood from her body. The rusty taste excited him. He wanted to damage her more. His teeth released her hair, but his lips remained red from her blood. Whoohoo. He drew first blood. She drew the second drop. Her teeth clashed with the corner of his cheekbone, and jarred him out of focus. He bled from his new gash. He winced through the initial sting of it. He snapped back, off balanced at her and missed by a mile, she busy moving onto her next string of attacks.

Her kick lacked power. Considering she was larger, and being at such a close range, she couldn’t fully extend her leg to deliver a powerful boot to the stifle. It did hit, but it didn’t unbalance him. He grunted in reaction, and he regained his attention. His first adrenaline rush delayed his reaction to the minor pain. It would throb tomorrow. And possibly bruise. With her parallel to him, and her neck arched towards his withers, he unleashed the fury of his wings. He flapped his powerful appendages hard, in hopes to hit her in her invading head. He used the momentum to bring his shoulders higher in the air, into a potential rear. His hindlegs pivoted 90 degrees to the left to face him towards her. He used this unsteady motion to bring his full force down on her, hooves aiming at her ribs. Perhaps he knock the breath out of her, perhaps he would break a rib. Hawk-like appendages ceased shaking their strength and were suspended open, prepared to bat at her again. “Not so slow for an old man, eh?” Whether he hit her or not, he pressed his chest against her ribs again. It was wise for him to stay close, so that she could not exert full power into her kicks.

[ooc//First blood, extra points on call of duty! Haha just kidding! And that's fine. I'm having fun, first fight haaha. Anyways…

2/4 whipped his tail at her face when she tried to bite his dock. Her teeth clashed with his cheekbone, made a gash and was temporarily unfocused. Stifle was hit, but he remained standing. He beat his wing at her when she went for his withers, he then reared up, pivoted to face her and came down again, hooves aiming to do damage to her right ribs. ]

Alias

Everybody Look What‘s Going Down

the picture is coming soon..xD

Singing la....la la la.......la......la la la..

-I See You-

Gossamer was annoyed as his tail brushed her face but done no real damage she reflected, so in a way they were even now. Triumph as her mouth hit his cheek, disappointment as her kick did only minor damage. How strange that her mind had only these thoughts and no real emotions.

But that was war. He turned sideways and she felt wings smack her on the top of her head as he did so, but only served to annoy her more, just a little patronizing pat. Ek, BIRD wings. She lashed out her annoyance at his head bop and aimed to bite the middle of the wing closest to her, his right. Again he went for her right side, this time in a rear."not so slow?" no, not really slow, but he was trying the same move again, though in a rear form this time. She pivoted her hind end around again and moved to rip flesh from his delicately open left foreleg. His right foreleg ALMOST scraped her ribs. If she got his leg she could get some payback for that withers bite.




-Don't Think-

But no time to think now as he pressed against her side AGAIN. This was getting annoying she thought. So with his weight fully on her side she pulled it out from in front of him, hoping to cause him to stumble foreward. This time she moved outward, hoping for some distance from his annoying weight, and hopped around so her hind was at his chest. Then she lashed out with both legs in a powerful kick ,now with some distance, if he was at all unbalanced and the kick hit, he'd fall just a bit. Coming down from her powerful kick she turned back around to face him and aimed to bite his nose. She turned and lashed out a front leg towards his shoulders again, another attempt to hurt and push him down.


[occ: 2/4- Lol, me too. xDD soo

His tail brushed her but did not do any damage. His rear was met with her turning and trying to rip open his unguarded left foreleg. His right front barely scraped her side. She got annoyed with his closenes and backed away a few steps, taking her weight from in front of him, hoping to make him stumble. She then quickly turned around and aimed a two legged kick at his, hopefully, unbalanced self. If the kick lands well enough, and he's unbalanced at all, he'll fall just a bit, or alot, whatever,lol. After her kick she tries to bite his nose and lashes out with a front leg, trying to push him over more.]

G o s s a m e r
-rawr-

Grandpa, Grandpa. Grab your shotgun!

She bit his wing! Little rat. Little ignorant brat. His vocals let out a noise of surprise. She didn’t latch on or attempt to tear. Just bit him, like a toddler. She needed a time-out, he huffed. Her nips at his foreleg were met with nothing but air. She was flailing herself without really thinking things through, in his opinion. He was also pressed against her side, he was not leaning. He was close but he did not transfer weight upon her. For that very reason. When she step away from him he effortlessly backed-up. He was not a tackle dummy. He would not just stand there while she faced her rear to him. Her kick missed completely. She was frustrated. Annoyed. That was good, for him. When one was annoyed, one could be prone to mistakes. She was not calculating what he might do.


When she spun around he reared, avoiding the nip to the nose. Her front leg did catch him as he was going up, though. The hoof pounded into his shoulder, and staggered his balance. Heat instantly throbbed from the point of impact. He stumbled, but he flared out his wings and used them to balance. He was old, but he just wouldn’t go down. Instead, actually. He thought he would go up. No use being a Pegasus if you don’t use your wings. From the rear, his powerful wings began their strokes, lifting his body off of the ground. Though not to the heavens, just a horses height. More specifically, her height. He hovered above her, so that his forelegs dangled above her rump, and his backlegs above her head. He attempted to kick her in the head, or neck. Knock some sense into the young girl.

[Our battle is not epic at all xD it’s just nitpicking at each other

¾ His right wing was bitten. She missed his foreleg. He backed up from her, so he was out of range from her double-hoofer. His nose wasn’t bitten, but her hoof did catch him on his way up to a rear. The rear gave him momentum of flight, which he picked up to hover, and tried to kick her in the head]

Alias

Everybody Look What‘s Going Down

the picture is coming soon..xD

Singing la....la la la.......la......la la la..

-WTF-

Gossamer watched him rear up and take flight. Well, if he was too short to meet her and had to cheat he just a coward. Somehow, without her seein him. He had ended up with his hind end towards her head. He had a stinky ass, she reflected. Though this was not good he was probably going to ki...Goss ducked just in time to avoid the fatal blow. The air between her ears whizzed, leaving her deaf for a moment to anything but that air. ManBitch. Rage filled her as she saw his opportune tail flailing around up there. Ahhh, she thought that if she could grab that she might pull him down to earth. Though, she almost forget about his hooves coming BACK from the kick and revieved a small gash on the right side of her neck for her insolence. Shit, that was gonna leave a mark. Her rage spread as she threw herself into a rear-like jump, angled towards his tail. She was on his right hind side, out of the way of kicks, as she aimed to latch onto his tail. She was going to rip it out, she was going to bring the little bird back down. NOW!




-Epic..?-

As she was coming down from the jump, her mouth still aimed for his tail, she lashed out at his delicate right hind-end tendons. Any one of them would do, she thought, leg,rump whatever, she just had to hurt him! Two moves for his every one right? Well his attempt to kill her was not going unnoticed. No, it was not. She hoped that if she gripped his tail she could pull him down, throwing his little body in the dust. She was far heavier than his light little bird body so if she did it would work. Her legs continued to lash at him as she fell. They were carefully made strokes, aimed to rip off hair and flesh. Something had to scrape eventually right?


[occ: 3/4- Bahaha, noo they're just being dorks. Or at least were. or stilll or lol.^^ I love Alias "She bit my wing!" xDD

His kick missed her by inches but disoriented her for a moment and when his legs came back he gashed her right cheek. She saw his tail and while he was still facing away from her she rear-jumped(like a capriole, which she can do as shes pure spanish) and tried to bite his tail. While trying to bite his tail she lashed out her front legs, trying to pull one of his muscles back there as well as to take off some skin. The entire aim is to hope to bring him down. Shes heavier so if she gets him it should work. ]

G o s s a m e r
-rawr-

Grandpa, Grandpa. Grab your shotgun!

Perhaps he should have hovered higher. The little wench had herself a temper tantrum of rage and was hellbent on knocking him out of the sky. His hindlegs weren’t idle targets. They continued their downward kicks. Her strikes to hit his tenders were met with something harder. It was hoof on hoof, and that did hurt. He stifled a yelp and pinned his ears. The pain jolted through his left cannon bone. But there was another force at work. Her jaws had managed to collect a mouthful of his glossy tail. His legs stopped kicking. Ugh. He peered around the opening frantically. What to do? What to do? Aha!

Alais could not fly into the skies with her weight bearing him down. But he was strong enough to move his anchor. His wings beat with intensity. The muscles strained with more effort than ever required of them. They beat, and beat, and beat. For they weren’t far off from a few boulders. If she didn’t let go he would drag her to the, and use them to pry himself free. Perhaps she’d slip and could drag her across the surface. Not likely but he enjoyed the thought. At the very least they would work as leverage. Also, to prevent from being wrenched from the sky, as he was no rag doll, he continued multiple kicks with his right leg, aiming at her neck. He wiggled his old grandpa butt from time to time, too.


[4/4 Her hoof (of your choice) crashed into his left hoof when she was striking at him, causing pain to jolt up his leg. Her mouth caught his tail. He chose to try to drag her along (hilarious mental image xD), if she holds on, to the boulders. His right leg keeps trying to kick at her. She's really not that much bigger (two inches click), I don't think she could pull him out of the sky like that.]

Alias

Everybody Look What‘s Going Down

the picture is coming soon..xD

I tried for epicness, but apparently it failed epically, and is not possible, *flails* Oh well.

-Do Da Stanky Leg-

Gossamer was surprised to see his legs swing back at the same moment hers went down. Crap. Her right front hoof hit his back left and she saw the pain travel up his leg with satisfaction as he gave out a yelp. Though her hoof felt some pain as well it was not nearly as much as she was on the better end of the attack. Her leg remained intact as her began to fly towards some boulders. She mumbled Oh-dbm shit-dsmk Slightly muffeled though the tail. Ahhhhm…what to do here….Ahahahaha. Yes! The two neared the boulders and she saw that one of them had an opportunistic ledge upon the side, just below the actual top. If she heaved her weight down just enough she could reach the thing. With him hopefully low she could jump up and land a hard blow to his back. So she held on for dear life, gripping his tailbone with crushing strength. As he wiggled his as, his smell became worse, and only then did she bother with a comment directed towards him. Thus far she had been silent on purpose, but dude, really? ”Have you EVER thought of trying to clean that man? Its just stanks!!!” Though, it was a bit muffled so some of the words might have sounded funny, but not un-discernable. She acted a bit scared so he would think he’d gotten his way and made a few small squeals. But what he didn’t know was that she was timing his wings. Up. Down. Up. Down. They reached the boulders, her iron grip still intact, though just barely. UP!



-You Shall Not Win-

As she reached the ledge his wings swung up and she watched with pleasure. Without the downward thrust, he was floating, unless something else happened…hehe. And then, with all her might, she gripped his tail possibly hard enough to break it, left her still body posture, and heaved herself up for leverage, then pulled down hard as she could, hoping to pull him out of the air again. Triumph ran though her body as she touched the ledge with her hind legs. All this had happened in the blink of an eye and as soon as her feet hit the ledge she pulled once more, hoping to sprawl him with his back legs off the edge a bit, before a quick release. In a split second she summoned all of her remaining strength. Every ounce of her being was focused upon her legs lifting her up. Her mane and tail flying backwards, out of the way she leaped into the air like a goddess of old. Delivering anything but mercy. Her eyes intensely watched for any small movement. Hopefully his body was still low enough for her to hit. She angled her leap in a curve from behind him to his, hopefully upper right. Trying to body slam his right upper back. Her neck curved to latch onto his withers. Her front legs tucked tight until the hopeful impact, opening after to deliver hard blows to his side. Even if she missed she would open her legs at the opportune moment and attempt rake his side to pieces. She would not loose this fight. Determination and every remaining bit of strength left after the jump coursed through her body. She gave it her all. If her body slam landed even a bit she would course her strength though her body even more and attack with mouth and limbs with viciousness previously not unleashed. If it didn’t land she would open her legs and try to rake his body apart and bite at his neck with vengeance. The goddess had awoken and she was not fighting simply to fight, no. She was fighting for her family and her home, for her life and that kind of determination was hard to beat. When the Goddess of War was awoken, there was no stopping her. He would not escape her wrath. No, she had carefully calculated this attack. He had given her time to think and that was a mistake. Whatever he did she had ten ways to counter it. Rake, bite, kick, and stomp. When the Goddess thought and actually had time to calculate, she was neigh unstoppable. The stallion could not escape this one without damage.


[occ: 4/4- OMG, this fails battle-wise, just plain funny..he draged her along, bahaha.xDD ahhh *tear* So, I tried for a good end,*scratches head* Maybe She'll do some damage.lol. Sorry for the long length. I think I managed some epicness..maybe, though apparently imposible phsically, so yeah, I guess I did fail. Ehh, but if you look at it as Funny, it was a total win..BAHAHA we should ask them to judge us on hilariousity and not actual fighting^^


Her hitting his foot hurt a little but not alot. She saw a ledge and decided to hold on with an iron grip until he reached the boulders. She mumbled an"Oh shit" and pretended to be freaked out a little while he dragged her over there, preventing him from knowing what she was going to do. And now for the "epic part"

She timed his wing beats and found that right when she reached the ledge his wings went up, minimizing his thrust and disabling him from being able to catch any real wind to stay up. At that very moment she gripped his tail harder, maybe breaking or bending it, and pulled her weight up and then heaved herself down until her feet touched the ledge(or her neck miracally lengthened or something if you don't want him to be pulled down, though unlikely he escaped that one.lol. As soon as her feet touched the ledge did she TRIED pull him down more and get him stuck, sprawled, or just down lower, before letting go. She gave a HUGE EPIC leap a moment later, hopefully he didn't have time to get up in the air again. Sher angled her jump in a small curve to go from behind to his upper right side. She got some air has her legs tucked until she hits, and is trying to body slam him. If she hits she'll knock him down, open her legs, and rake/bite/kick him. If she misses and he moves, she'll open her legs at the opportune moment and try to rake/bite/etc/etc. apart. She'll try and do anything to hurt him and calculated well.

Oh, and if anything seems too much like DID just put a TRIED to do in front of it and assume it didn't happen. I didn't know how else to write it,lol. ^^
]

G o s s a m e r
-rawr-

Grandpa, Grandpa. Grab your shotgun!

Well now. A horses teeth are blunt, and their jaw strength not that great. Her final jerk would cause her teeth to slide down the coarse hairs, and rip many out before finally losing grip. So now she bit him, and pulled his hair. Toddler. That is what he would forever remember her as. A bratty little toddler. At last he was free. His neck stretched around to glare at her before his wings surged to lift him higher. Her errand hoof from her ridiculously high jump scraped against his lower right quarters. He huffed about the minor sting, and grumbled about the blemish as he made his way to a safe height in the sky.

He looked down at her, panting from the strenuous work that all probably happened in ten or fifteen minutes. His body was sweaty, and aching from minor cuts and bruises. The old man wasn‘t crippled, but neither did he cripple his opponent. A shame. At least he showed up. He had intended to have a luxurious nap this afternoon. He was spurred to this battle only by the fact Angel Feather would have his wrinkly ass if he didn‘t help. “And….and….Stay off my lawn!” he hollered from above with a vicious snort.

[defense - Lost some tail hairs, sustained a scrape on his lower right quarters, and lifted himself higher to the sky. Occ//I was really confused by your post….and I found a lot of it to be unlikely, but I tried to go with the flow. It was really creative, though. =/]

Alias

Everybody Look What‘s Going Down

ALAIS | GOSSAMER
- - - - -
By my verdict ALAIS is the winner.

ALAIS -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Breed: Noticing the different sizes, but did not explain what advantage/disadvantage he might have.
+ 1| Attack: Trying to land on her back is a good thing.
+ 1| Attack: Biting.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
- 1| However, the first paragraph is a bit choppy to read with the short sentences.


GOSSAMER -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Surroundings: Hearing him coming before she sees him
+ 2| Breed: Noticing the size differences and age, thinking about what effects it might have.
- 1| Situational: If he is coming from her upper right, I fail to see how she can be moving towards him by moving to the left.
+ 1| Taking hit to the rump
- 1| However, I would like to see how the pain affects her. I also find it a bit unrealistic for her to running in high speed without being bothered by the hit.
+ 1| Attack: Trying to bite tail.
+ 1| Taking the bite
- 1| But I don’t think it’s possible for him to grab a chunk of her skin, since the skin around the withers is quite tight.
- 1| I fail to see how she can bite his neck and move around to his left side at the same time, when he is standing on her right side and is biting her withers. His neck should be in the way and it would be more realistic if she moved her behind around and ended up on his right side.

[Prose]
+ 1| Nice flow
- 1| But confusing.



ALAIS -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defence: Tail whipping!
+ 1| Defence: Taking bite to cheekbone instead of neck. However, Equine teeth can’t draw blood that easily.
+ 1| Defence: Noting that the kick is not so powerful because they are standing so close to each other.
+ 1| Thinking of how the hit will affect him later.
+ 1| Defence: Using his wings to slap her in the face was a good way of defending himself from her bite.
- 1| I fail, however, to see how he can face her by moving his behind to the left, when she is standing on his left side.
+ 1| Attack: Going for the ribs.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy reading and nice flow.
+ 1| I like how the taste of her blood makes him excited and want to hurt her more.
+ 1| I also like how he is planning ahead by keeping close to her and by that trying to prevent her from getting much power behind the kicks.
- 1| However, some parts were a bit confusing.


GOSSAMER -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| I can’t see how his right wing can be the closest to her when she is standing on his left side.
+ 1| But biting wings is good.
- 1| Trying to bite his fore leg while he is rearing puts her head in kicking range and big danger.
- 1| Equine teeth are not formed to be able to rip flesh from bone.
+ 1| Trying to make him lose balance by moving away when he is pressing himself against her.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking
+ 1| Attack: Biting towards his nose.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking towards shoulders.

[Prose]
- 1| For going against the format
+ 1| Nice flow
- 1| But confusing at some parts.


ALAIS -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Plausible dodge and reaction.
+ 1| I like how he uses the wings to not lose his balance.
+ 1| Aerial attack; trying to kick her head from above.

[Prose]
- 1| First paragraph had short sentences and became a bit choppy to read.
- 1| Some grammar errors.
+ 1| I like his thinking about her.
+ 1| I also like that he is not going to just stand there “like a tackle dummy” and take hits that can be avoided easily.



GOSSAMER -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Dodge: Avoiding the kick towards her head.
+ 1| For being a bit stunned from almost getting kicked in the head and then having his hoof touch her cheek.
- 1| But it is a very stupid thing to do because she puts her head within kicking-range. Even is she is on his side, horses can still cow-kick.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking towards his legs.
- 1| However, I doubt she can kick flesh from his bones.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy reading
+ 1|Nice flow
- 1| Some minor spelling errors.
+ 1| I like how she is getting angry


ALAIS -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Taking hit to the hoof instead of the legs.
+ 1| I like how you describing how the wings have to beat harder to keep him in the air with her pulling his tail.
+ 2| I love how you used the boulders mentioned in a previous post.
+ 1| He trying to drag her over the ground gives me funny mental pictures.
- 1| But I think it would give his tail some pain to drag a horse like that.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking towards her head.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read
- 1| But a bit choppy; especially the first paragraph.
+ 1| His wiggling butt made me laugh XD


GOSSAMER -- post 4

[Realism]
- 1| I don’t think it’s possible for her to see the pain travel through his leg.
+ 1| I like her planning and trying to use the boulders to her advantage.
- 1| A horse’s jaws are not strong enough to break bone.
- 1| I don’t think that much can happen in the blink of an eyes.
- 2| Confusing: I had to read the second paragraph several times. It seems that she is delivering many attacks while in the air without even touching the ground. That many attacks take time, more time that she can remain in the air from a jump.

[Prose]
- 1| A very confusing post.
+ 1| Love how she hates his ass X3


ALAIS -- (defence only)

[Realism]

+ 1| Dodge: Flying higher and taking the hit to the behind.

[Prose]



ALAIS

[Bonus]
Noting

[Injuries]
Nothing

[Creativity]
+ 1| Attack: I like that he uses his wings much, and that he tried to drag her into boulders.

Comments: You did a good job. There were some confusing parts, but otherwise the posts were easy to read and understand. I like the aerial attack, how you are using his advantages with being a Pegasus. I also like how you used the surroundings. However, I would like it if you described more how he was feeling when he got hit, how it affected him and so on.

GOSSAMER

[Bonus]
Noting

[Injuries]
Nothing

[Creativity]
+ 1| Trying to grab his tail and pull him down.
+ 1| Creativity: Using the boulder as help to jump high and go for his back.


Comments: You did a nice job too, even if your posts was very confusing and hard to understand. I had to read them several time to understand and get a mental picture of everything, but after that I could understand it a bit better. You have some creative attacks in mind, but they became unrealistic and you tend to switch back and forth between left and right. Also, while it is not good to break every single bone in your horse's body, taking damage is nothing to be afraid of and makes it more realistic. Keep training and I’m sure you’ll become better.



TOTAL
ALAIS – 71
GOSSAMER - 54